Yes, I have been absent. Not that long.. rite? Just 3 months... which is actually not long :D
The reason of my totally long absence is not due to the fact that I had nothing to blog about (on the absolute contrary actually) and it is definitely NOT due to lack of time (psh!!! have been procrastinating all these time to fool about) but it is due to the fact that I don't see a point in blogging about what went on with my life.
Blogging has always been a way for me to express my opinions and pretend that someone actually reads them and understands them, or just an outlet for frustrations and other emotionally crap coursing through this hormone-filled body of mine :D
What changed? Many things. Found a new outlet...
So, what's been going on in the twisted, forever winding mind of mine lately?
Oh, lets list them down.
1. internal mental/spiritual/emotional battle raging through my poor soul. How should I describe it... hmmm.... seen Lord of The Rings? That final battle where the good guys nearly lost but didn't? All initial fire and courage? Then the despair but unfaltering will? And of course the wonderful feeling of victory at the end? How grand was that battle!!!! Wow... yea.. imagine ALL that raging in your tiny little soul/brain/heart. muahahahahahaha. yea yea yea, I know, am a drama queen. But ya'll get the idea rite?
so yea, was wondering to and fro like a lost soul trying to find a way through to the other side. hahaha... ok, not the best of illustrations (forgive me). Tuda, suda, tuda, suda, tuda, suda. Xochu, ne xochu, xochu, ne xochu (there, here, there, here. Want, dun want, want, dun want) EISH!!!!!!!!! finally, coincidentally, unconsciously, pop!! I made my decision. I even surprised myself with the realisation of the decision. hahahaha.
Yes, I have made my decision, no turning back, living my life as I see it now. Total and complete change, yes, but a gradual one. But, I am still the same me. Still sarcastic as ever, still a drama queen, and still very much willing to tease whenever I find the opportunity!!!! ngenge. My past is till part of me and to some degree still reluctant to part with it :P
Accept me for who I am. I change when I decide to. I change what I decide to. How I view you will most probably still be the same (midget will forever be midget my bff to the day I am laid to rest under sweet, green grass OoO; atam will always be 'nenek' to me till my bones turn to dust; Azli will still be amu (pak cik) till my memory leaves me (hopefully due to death and not due to me going senile); mi will always be mummy, di will always be daddy, cheche will always be that girl I used to share a room with, and koko... well, koko will always be the brother I argue with :P)
So... *drumroll*
Name: Souhayla Eugenie Mah Eu San
Sex: Female
Race: Chinese (but unfortunately can't speak fluent Mandarin!!!!! hehehehehe)
Religion: Islam
*midget, don't faint. Pleeeeeeeeeaaasssssseeeeeeee dun be mad!!!!! (pleading look, with puppy dog eyes shining with abundant hope!!!!) bwahahahahahahaha (ok... illustration destroyed by the out-burst of laughter)
er... where was I? oh yea...
2. Got myself a kitty... the cutest little thing (ok, it ain't so little anymore... rather big for its age now) and rather... dull. She just has one colour... and a rather dull colour at that... beige. Well, can't do anything bout it unless I wanna dye her pink!!! huhuhuhu
She's a cutie pie with a personally that somehow resembles mine but not as... er... accentuated. I love playing with her when I feel like it but at times, she really becomes annoying. Compared to a certain cat I knew, she's MUCH better. huhuhu... regardless of the mischief she comes up with when I'm not in, I still love my kitty (ok... I seriously DO NOT wanna end up like those old spinster with 5 kittens as companions. HELL TO THE NO!!!)
Aqish... mummy loves you! Muah!!
kitty: nyahaha!!! the bed is MINE!!! ALL MINE!!!!! *purr*purr*
yoga: curly fries style
3. I am currently on the low-profile category. hahahaha
What happened? OMG!!! What happened to fun, out-going me? lol... I'm still the same, just no longer with people I'm not close with. Most of my foreign friends have graduated. So, I'm left with a few close ones, and the rest of my batch-mates and a pitiful scatterings of juniors to mingle with. All the same. Much better this way. I can disappear and appear as I want and people won't think 2 seconds about it. Calmness... ... ... AMEN!!!!
4. Alcohol, diet, short skirts, hair styles, fashion CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
heh... who knew it would be SO easy to give up alcohol (yes, there is a slight hint of sarcasm there, but just a slight one) Do I miss those days of vodka, cocktails, wine? Not really. I do think about cocktails (blue Hawaiian, Long island especially) from time to time, but the thought goes as quickly as it came.
Pork!!!! hahaha this one is not difficult at all. Since coming to Russia, I only bought pork like 5 times. Dunno why, but no urge I suppose. What I find difficult is to actually be attentive to what I'm eating. All these times, I have just bought whatever I wanted to eat... but now... kinda have to read the ingredients before I order and unfortunately I still forget the moment I make the order... sigh... oh well... try and try and try and try... Zzzzzzzz
Fashion. hah. This one is a bit strange. Hijab, jilbab, abayah, hand socks seem to me are just another form of fashion. Not hard to just pick it up and go with it! Liking it actually. Though at times, those many, many short skirts, sexy dresses of mine still call my name (oh shit!!! psychosis!!! midget!!! inanimate objects are talking to me!!!!) LOL and I still do wear them... ... ... at home. hehehe The plus in this is, now I look HOT wherever I am; be it in my room or on the streets (definition of hot changes according to location! bwahahaha)
4. yes, the shrieking banshee is back again.
Seems like those 2 months back home has gotten me out of practice with my violin. Now, it has made me a stranger to the extension of my soul... :( wah... so poetic!!! lol
while I try to regain that lost intimacy with my violin, unfortunately I have to say that my neighbours from all sides, have to bare with the annoying shrieks of my violin. hehe On the up side, I rarely do practice... which will mean the shrieking will continue longer... hmmm... what a difficult conundrum.... oh well!!
I don't think there's a number 5 on my list. I think I'll stop here. If I continue, the atmosphere will start to change and a cloud will shroud my mood. huhu
Bidding adieu... ... ...
Adieu!! lol
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